You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
