I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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