God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
