My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
