so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
