is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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