My friends, they love my intelligence
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
