You smell like a Billy Joel song
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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