Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
