did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
