When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
NoShamevember. You game?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
