I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize