totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dear god my vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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