Already got asked if we're dating
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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