When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
