I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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