I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
