Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
