so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
