I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize