So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
