The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
