Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
