my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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