I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
