you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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