he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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