operation harelip BJ is a go
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
