I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
