I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
