hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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