I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Houston, we have a squirter
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
