I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
