So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina