Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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