he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
