hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
