i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
