yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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