Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
