He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
