eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
