Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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