At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
