yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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