yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
