Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
