How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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