Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it because I queefed?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
