You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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