barbara walters just said penis...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
