she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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