So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
