What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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