My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
