Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
