Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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