My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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