i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
