the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
