I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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