There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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